Everyone I know, including myself, is obsessed with being called a “good” parent. Why is parenting such a serious “business” in the first place? Why even find it so stressful and time-consuming? There are many answers to this but the only valid answer I know is every parent tries very hard to do his or her job well. Whether to raise a moral child, a genius child , a happy or independent child, parents are obsessed with these goals. So what kind of parent am I? The kind that wants only the best for her kids.
Perhaps the other question would be is who is the better parent? Many of the parents I know would spend their entire weekend with their children–playing with them, going to the mall or watching movies together. The other half are probably spending their time doing chores, cleaning the house, cooking for their children and just to put it simply, keeping the house in order. So, who is the better parent?
A friend of mine left her job as an executive in one advertising agency to stay home with her kids. I was witness to how hard it was for her to reach her executive position and what a difficult decision that must have been to give it up. Other mothers who are afraid to leave their jobs would probably feel guilty while reading this but then again, who are we to judge? These parents surely have their reasons.
I have high respects for parents who take care of their families as well as do their job. I guess these people are more blessed than the rest of us. They probably have more money to find qualified and competent staff to do assigned tasks well. Or they have secret and better time management tricks up their sleeves all the time. But then again, who’s to say that they’re better parents than we are?
At the end of the day, regardless of whatever happens in a parent’s life, she won’t enjoy it unless her kids are doing well. Having a child makes your priorities straight. You’ll never waste your time again on anything stupid like staying up late to wait for your lover’s call or praying to get that promotion just because you don’t like the other guy to get it. Never again. I think any parent who has been in a situation waiting in a doctor’s clinic with a sick child would understand what I’m trying to get at.
When I first brought my child to the park in his stroller, I noticed a lot of parents giving me a warm smile. Like they knew my situation. Or was it a “welcome to the club” thing. Whatever that was, we are all in this together. Even though our world is so fast-paced and it’s easy to forget, there’s nothing more important than to raise our children well. Because we are parents and that’s what we do.
This is my official entry to the Pinoy Parenting Blog Carnival (PPBC) 6th Edition hosted by Happy Family Matters.
photo: jenklairkids.com
What an excellent entry you have written here.
I think unless we walk in another’s shoes we cannot judge their parenting. All we can do is our best to be the best parents we can be.
Good luck with your post!!! I really enjoyed it. You are right we can not judge. Some people are better parents because they have an outside job. God created us all differently so what works well for Mom or Dad may not for me or you…
Fantastic post - I’m going through my own inner struggle right now and it looks as though I’ll be joining you at the park!
If I can turn back time, I would have stayed with my daughter but some factors are just beyond your control.
Love the way you wrote this…
every parent have different approach, but that doesn’t mean the parents who returned to the force are less parent than the one’s who give up their position to be their kids, i agree with your post(We cannot judge any parents), i think what we should do is to face our own battle and make the most of being a parent because our kids grow so fast and we can’t afford to miss every minute of it or else it’s too late.
i agree on everything you said..
as a parent and the same time having part time job to have extra income is very difficult for me to choose…
i also want more time for my kids..
as what some says…the first teachers of their kids is their parents.
good post again..
thats why i like stopping her for some readings. i never get wrong stopping here.
no regrets.
more power.
Nice posts Miss Cherry!
I still can’t relate but I can only imagine how hard it is to raise kids…with the environment they are exposed to today, who’s to say they will grow up to be upstanding citizens with or without a parent’s guidance?
How are you now Chi? Good luck too. This is a very good article, speaks of you heart as a mom. I salute you…
Hugs,
Ria
http://www.riablahgs.com
this post strikes home. i agree to everything you said. i may not necessarily experience it now, but my oh my how my mind wonders. i so dread the time when i will finally confront the very real question of “am i a good parent?”
Hi Girl FAS,
It’s true we cannot judge other parents for the circumstances they are in and the priorities they make. Parenting is commonly thought of as a method of raising kids rather than as a set of values and beliefs. Once this is clear, the methods fall into place. The priorities will also be defined very specifically.
There are parents who both need to work to have a decent standard of living, and I know of some who have refused a promotion because it will reduce their already limited time at home with their children. Some have opted, as your friend did, to leave altogether.
No parent should be judged on the basis of their methods, but the end result will be reflected in the behavior, attitudes and values of their children. If they are comfortable with these, then their kids have been honed well by the very same values and beliefs they have embraced. The reactions of society to the breeding their kids express will either compel the child to adapt new ones, or reject the reactions and choose to be with those who have similar breeding as they do. It’s not a guarantee that it will create a more unified society but it’s an acceptance that people are different and are the product of their own experiences and how they develop because of these.
Yet, it is not surprising to find siblings in the same family, raised under the same circumstances, to have differing values and beliefs. The acceptance and/or rejection of their parents’ set of values and beliefs produces this difference, coupled by the environment and circle of friends they move around with. Also, the rivalry that evolves moves one to be different from the other based on their perception of what pleases either or both parent; or whether they perceive their parents to favor one over the other for some reason.
The fact is, each child is born different and each would have needs different from the other even if there are basic needs that are the same - the degrees vary. Both child may need respect or recognition but the intensity differs in both categories. One may want to be closely guided to avoid mistakes while the other may want to be given more space to learn even if mistakes are experienced.
There are no hard and fast rules nor methods. Just focus on the basic set of values, beliefs and attitudes you believe are important and the method for each child will evolve. Once this is laid out, see how they respond to it and where their needs are strongest, then support those needs; and reinforce those that are already satisfied. As they grow, you will notice gaps which you should correct by explanation in a conversational manner, like treating them with respect as a co-equal adult, rather than responding with authority as a parent.
Here’s a method:If there are violations, start with an adult discussion and resolution. If repeated, impose sanctions earlier agreed upon without raising hell in your temper. If a third violation is made give them the silent treatment of one who is disappointed and hurt. Wait for them to come and apologize.Be emotional but controlled.
You can certainly devise your own, but the above came from my mother. It worked in my case and I have seen it work 93% among my own kids.
–Durano, done!
Good luck!
The summary has been posted last Aug 3. Sorry for the delayed information because I am having problems with my connection these past few days.
Thanks again for joining.
The Kind of Parent that We Are – Pinoy Parenting Blog Carvival 6th Edition
You’re right, each parent and each family have their own way of doing things. I’m lucky that my husband and I both work part time so we both get and alternate quality time with our kid.
Joey