Jomari has brought home a point that definitely relates to me. Yeah, hubby wasn’t this squeaky clean person her was before he met me, heck, many warned me against him (and not just my friends) because he is 9 years older than me and is a “bad boy.” Obviously, that didn’t stop me from dating him! Isn’t it funny that we always want something that everyone says is wrong for us?

Anyway, we had been going out for more than 6 years and I must say a lot of people have commented on the fact that he changed. Oh, he still has this “bad boy” image but he grew up. I can say I was there when he needed a person he can trust..and we are stronger for it…and for all their warnings, I ended up marrying him! Go figure!

Although I agree that some guys are jerks there seems to be a magnet drawing a lot of girls to them!

Gosh, this is complicated. Hope relationships could be as simple as ABC.

“Most girls like bad guys, and I’ve talked to women who’ve confirmed this. If they get on with a man that’s nice, it’s kind of pointless because there’s nothing to do for them to bond to with that person. Women feel if they work on making a bad person into a good person, it’s like they molded them (mothering instinct takes place). That’s why you NEVER hear a woman in a chit-chat with their girl-friends say something like, “Hey girl, I heard Michael got a 95 in Physics… That makes me so h*rny! (giggles…)” or “Check this out! I saw Michael went to hear mass last Sunday and I just confirmed from a source that he does that every week… I just totally wet my panties the minute I heard it! (giggles…).” If women were made to think that way then every male population on this planet would have strived in school to get good grades and struggled to be spiritually bonded but sadly we’re far from that reality.

Have you ever heard a woman say “I just met this really sensitive, thoughtful, sweet guy that calls me 100 times a day and sends me flowers and cards and gifts… and I just can’t stop thinking about him… I think I’m going to marry him”? No? Me neither. Dude seems like a stalker. LOL! Surprise! Women aren’t INTO guys who are obsessed with them. Women are into guys who are interesting, mysterious, challenging… guys who trigger ATTRACTION in them, not AFFECTION. That is why women tend to gravitate their feelings towards men who are “Jerks”. Now a lot of women will vehemently deny it, but that’s the truth.

Women feel ATTRACTION for “Jerks”. On the other hand, they feel AFFECTION for “Nice Guys” that wind up becoming their FRIENDS.”

There are a couple of perspectives at issue here. One is the pattern of selection you seem to be trapped into, and the other is the disposition of men.

People normally get trapped into a pattern of relationships, a vicious cycle they can’t seem to get away from that keeps repeating the same conditions in their lives.This is true for both men and women.

There are those who get battered and beaten, take pains to leave their spouse, and then get into another relationship where they are again battered and beaten. It has something to do with their mental make-up where they are attracted to the same characteristics that got them into trouble in the first place; like a programmed response to a particular type of personality. A deep seated mindset, evolved from past experience which they cannot reach to understand, evaluate and correct, creates this response that brings them to the same miserable cycle. This mindset will have to be unearthed to change the pattern.

As far as men are concerned, the chauvinist orientation in which boys are raised develops into the so called “macho” mentality which is a sorry excuse for bad manners and repugnant attitudes. This is the element that, if left unchecked, will turn men into jerks. Some men are brought up devoid of any task that are considered “only for women” such that these types become the messy and untidy vandals of the homes they occupy after they leave their parent’s nest. Others are so pampered by both parents, especially their own mothers that they expect their spouses to enslave themselves just to serve them in the same way - and they are condoned by their moms. Some are also given everything without any effort exerted that they expect to receive the same from their working spouses. Mothers, at times, even applaud their son’s playboyish ways that losing respect for women and treating them like objects becomes a game these men find pleasurable to play. They grow up to be irresponsible, lazy, and brattish - but they can be attractive to young women at the earlier stages of their adult lives.

I was also raised in a similar environment, as with my two elder brothers. But early on in college, I rejected the kind of upbringing and subtle chauvinist values that crept into our mental make-up, and turned my back on a condescending and senseless lifestyle to embrace the other extreme - which I have since tempered. Sad to say, in High School, I too was a jerk of the first degree, and I’m sorry for all those who were adversely affected by my repulsive attitude at the time.

I have met many men who have much to regret in their later lives because of their failure to correct the orientation they grew up with. Most have matured only at the late stages and have not developed strong bonds with their own sons. And, these sons, even if they reject what their fathers were, do not realize that their very rejection is already a manifestation of the same qualities that their fathers have. They don’t see that their own mentality is just like a chunk off the old block.

The most important thing is to teach and show your children examples of good values and respect for all things living, and all people of all races and creed.

There are many other things that can be discussed here but the space is too short as is the time I have. I hope this helps. –Durano, done!

Of course, we’d have to create a similar test for men so the good ones can weed out the crazy women.

But, if we had this litmus test, we’d all sleep a little easier at night, don’t you think?